What is Change?

This?

Or this?coins

 

seasons

 

 

Or if you’re in business, maybe this?

graph

What kind of emotions does “change” evoke in you?

  • excitement?
  • delight?
  • anxiety?
  • anticipation?
  • dread?
  • all of the above?

Most of us like “good” change: getting over a serious illness, winning a contest, paying off our debts. We have all experienced of “bad” changes so I won’t bother with examples. But what about the changes that cannot be classified as either “good” or “bad”? That can be both? And which only the passage of time and the experience of living with the changes will reveal the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ effects.

Past Predicts Future?

When I was 4 years old, my mother and I crossed the Atlantic, leaving one country and the only family I knew (my mother’s) to move to another country and join another family (my father’s) who were strangers to me. That trauma set off a series of changes that created a wariness within me. What could I count on? Whom could I trust? The answers kept changing, shifting, and my sense of security never quite solidified.

That insecurity developed into an anxious personality and the draining habit of what I call “pre-living”. When something changes, my mind will roll over all the possibilities – positive and negative – reviewing every possible variation, usually centering and focusing on the negative.

Past Predicts Future?

When I was 4 years old, my mother and I crossed the Atlantic, leaving one country and the only family I knew (my mother’s) to move to another country and join another family (my father’s) who were strangers to me. That trauma set off a series of changes that created a wariness within me. What could I count on? Whom could I trust? The answers kept changing, shifting, and my sense of security never quite solidified.

That insecurity developed into an anxious personality and the draining habit of what I call “pre-living”. When something changes, my mind will roll over all the possibilities – positive and negative – reviewing every possible variation, usually centering and focusing on the negative.

My 3 Changes

It’s very hard to break lifelong habits, but I really want to do just that. Let me share three examples of “change” that will be happening in my life – two personal, one professional:

1. My parents bought a condominium apartment in my complex – it’s close to mine but we cannot see each others’ units.

A. good changes
• life will be simpler and more enjoyable for them (no shovelling, mowing, repairs)
• we can visit easily (no more 2 hour drives in crosstown traffic)
• we can help each other (shop together, cohost family gatherings)

B. unpredictable/not so good changes
• too close for comfort?
• will we be able to set and maintain healthy, satisfactory boundaries?

2.  My aunt and uncle a condominium apartment in my complex – in a third building and not visible to my unit or my parents’

A. good changes
• life will be simpler and more enjoyable for them (no shovelling, mowing, repairs)
• we can visit easily (no more 2 hour drives in crosstown traffic)
• we can help each other (shop together, cohost family gatherings)

B. unpredictable/not so good changes

• too close for comfort?
• will we be able to set and maintain healthy, satisfactory boundaries?

3.  My boss announced his plan to retire at the end of this year

A. good changes

• his life will be easier and more enjoyable
• I will have the challenge of helping his successor adapt to the new role; I will help him/her to succeed

B. unpredictable/not so good changes
• I will miss my old boss; he was lovely to work for – reasonable, organized, appreciative, pleasant – we had 9 great years together
• it will take time to get ‘comfortable’ with my new boss – adapting to each other could be challenging, perhaps uncomfortable

What Now?

So there it is. Three things that are happening, changes that will affect others profoundly and me residually. Writing this was cathartic so, for now, I’m just going to leave it at that. Let it go. And return to living in the moment, one day at a time.

Advertisements

About verawrites

Progress not perfection - that's my goal. Live and learn - that's my motto. I like to share bits of wisdom and glimmers of insight gleaned on my life journey of 50+ years. My hope is to encourage, perhaps inspire, fellow journeyers. Each of us has something to share. Let's be generous, gracious and compassionate with one another. I am blessed to be a blessing... so are you!
Gallery | This entry was posted in Emotional health, Life Planning, Relationships - Family, Friends & Other, Women Over 40 and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to What is Change?

  1. bethbyrnes says:

    I am not good with change, especially when it is something someone else changes and I have no choice or warning. That includes almost any kind, but especially things like new neighbours (what might they do that impacts me?) or surprise parties or people passing away or people coming to visit without being invited. That said, I do think having your family in your complex is wonderful and I am sure you will be able to establish boundaries. My family is 3000 miles away — that makes it really hard. I would love for all of us to be closer together. So, I think that’s great. I agree about the boss, that would be a change I would be apprehensive about. So, I guess, the best thing to do is find ways to make the change work out for you both. Keep us posted! 🙂

    • verawrites says:

      Agreed, Beth – there’s way more ‘good’ about the family move. For my parents, having Dad’s sister and hubby. is good as they always do things together anyway. Close is good, together, well, not always. But I will navigate as necessary…

  2. Pingback: Change is… a process underway | verawrites

Let me know what you think about this...

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s